The deepest blues are black

Tell me if you can’t

I’ll flutter away 

Follow the winged creatures, maybe

And someone else will look me in the eyes

and say “I love you”

Then I’ll say “That’s cool. I loved him too.”

I don’t mean to be impatient. I know there’s a time for everything.

Sitting down side by side in a quiet corner

Breathing the same air as you

Casually putting my hand on your knee

Looking at you on my left

You make me smile through my eyes

I can’t wait for you to come back home

My dreams are as sparse as the clouds today.

Came back from Malasimbo. You, Mikhail.

I’m writing this ‘cause I will want to remember that Fri-date holiday as Vera called it. You texted me on Wednesday afternoon asking if I wanted to watch an indie Cinema One Originals on Friday at Robinson’s Galleria. I had no idea what the movie was about but I said yes ‘cause I wanted to see you. You texted me again Friday night to check if we were pushing through and I said yes. I wanted ask you who else we were going with but I was afraid to know if in case it’ll only be the two of us. I just considered it an invitation among friends to watch a movie you’ve been wanting to see.

I was so excited to see you but I was running late that Friday morning ‘cause my brother had breakfast with me. I texted you to please get a ticket for me. I played Temper Trap as I made one of my fastest showers. I realized Temper Trap was a good on-a-rush soundtrack ‘cause of its upbeat tempo. It’s a good thing it was a holiday ‘cause the free lanes allowed me to speed and swerve. I know it’s not good but I arrived to meet you just in time. As I was reverse parking into my slot, you called me at 11:48am asking where I was. I pretty much ran my way to Starbucks to meet you.

I wondered why it was just you and you said your friends had work and others couldn’t make it. I didn’t make anything of it ‘cause we’ve always acted like good friends. We watched the Lilia Cuntapay movie. At first I thought I didn’t like it but eventually it turned out alright.

You were funny and I really like you. I realized that it’s silly of me to like a boy if he didn’t have substance like you do.

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December 29, 2012

Yesterday was nice. We went to Bencab Museum, Tan-awan Village, Ben Hur’s art gallery, Mt. Cloud, 50s Diner, Manor and I had take out Shakey’s near Le Monet. I was wishing I’d see you tonight but it’s okay. I need to not forget how it is to be by myself. I liked being with you though. Hi, Mikhail.

I think that I did love you once. I thought about you every damn day until slowly my mind was slipping away from memories and wishes of you. You were easily the favorite person in my head. Always you, always comparing guys to you. It hurt to think of you. I felt it in my heart, in my chest. It was pain I could not do anything about.

Once I did love you and hopefully I’ll see you again. This time I’ll look at you and remember how once you were everything I had hoped for.