The deepest blues are black

Please listen because I mean these words that I will be saying. I can’t. I can’t do this anymore. I feel like we haven’t done the real break up thing. We’re still doing things we’re used to doing like praying together on the phone before we sleep, texting in the middle of the day, talking at night on how our day went. Though I haven’t been doing the talking much because I’ve been so out of it. Even here at home and I honestly rarely smile now.

I’m sorry that I’m hurting you. I do not mean to and that’s why I also haven’t told you these things directly. I wish you’d get the hint. It doesn’t help me that you’re declaring how you feel in your latest Tumblr post. I’m not sure myself but it feels unfair to me.

I’m trying so hard to bring myself together. It took a lot of self control not to ask you to come with me for my errands tom. That’s our thing, you always come with me but I have to become independent or else I’ll never grow.

I’m so sorry but I think we also have to stop talking at night. It’s hard to be on the phone when I have nothing to contribute to the conversation because I’m so out of it. But I think the most difficult part of this is that I know and feel that you still love me. It would take a lot of courage for me to say that I hope you can finally let us go. I know it’s like asking flowers not to be colorful because we really are best friends. But there are things we have to do to let go of our past relationship.

I’m afraid to let you know of these things because I don’t want to worsen the pain I don’t doubt is bringing you down too. I’m afraid of hurting you, but I believe I have to do these things to help myself.